His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
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Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
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A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.