every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
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Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
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So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake