Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT