Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
its liver damage thursday
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize