He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.