Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings