Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
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My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
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That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.