he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen