just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.