You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.