Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.