Texts From Last Night

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  her vagine was all disorganized.

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  (630): her vagine was all disorganized. http://tfl.nu/l46f
  Replies (5) Good night (574) Bad night (1263)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent

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  (651): nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent http://tfl.nu/r5vc
  Replies (44) Good night (1308) Bad night (2595)
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  (209): View more from California

  I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.

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  (209): I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two. http://tfl.nu/goqt
  Replies (14) Good night (5177) Bad night (594)
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  (626): View more from California

  you didnt know i had herpes?

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  (626): you didnt know i had herpes? http://tfl.nu/e6ph
  Replies (104) Good night (1510) Bad night (37913)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.

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  (609): It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds. http://tfl.nu/3v3q
  Replies (48) Good night (645) Bad night (8108)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm

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  (312): I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm http://tfl.nu/hl7i
  Replies (37) Good night (9164) Bad night (1637)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious

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  (862): forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious http://tfl.nu/eea3
  Replies (19) Good night (3382) Bad night (916)
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  (315): View more from New York

  That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"

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  (315): That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm" http://tfl.nu/evrk
  Replies (7) Good night (844) Bad night (2939)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line

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  (401): Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line http://tfl.nu/kpx6
  Replies (12) Good night (2846) Bad night (850)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.

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  (506): Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes. http://tfl.nu/7d2r
  Replies (2) Good night (1827) Bad night (573)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.

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  (520): I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night. http://tfl.nu/u2a7
  Replies (5) Good night (1500) Bad night (777)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.

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  (843): It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying. http://tfl.nu/4qy7
  Replies (3) Good night (979) Bad night (460)
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  (845): View more from New York

  "Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.

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  (845): "Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life. http://tfl.nu/f41e
  Replies (3) Good night (571) Bad night (1052)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.

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  (407): For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it. http://tfl.nu/uopt
  Replies (18) Good night (490) Bad night (1347)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?

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  (319): I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg? http://tfl.nu/atqw
  Replies (5) Good night (825) Bad night (396)

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