is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
