sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal