can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.