Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"? http://tfl.nu/e2lv
  Replies (36) Good night (595) Bad night (3112)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.

  (906): View more from Michigan

  so you're not coming in to work today?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops. (906): so you're not coming in to work today? http://tfl.nu/mm6u
  Replies (13) Good night (1470) Bad night (4154)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem http://tfl.nu/ycgy
  Replies (10) Good night (4066) Bad night (786)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil. http://tfl.nu/3ein
  Replies (69) Good night (12261) Bad night (1113)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen http://tfl.nu/0xt9
  Replies (17) Good night (5799) Bad night (1162)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake http://tfl.nu/be1r
  Replies (4) Good night (3600) Bad night (1262)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself. http://tfl.nu/9p33
  Replies (3) Good night (877) Bad night (1261)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up. http://tfl.nu/2z9h
  Replies (10) Good night (2004) Bad night (774)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.

  (1-778): View more from British Columbia

  You fool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps. (1-778): You fool. http://tfl.nu/kp0u
  Replies (10) Good night (1196) Bad night (943)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep. http://tfl.nu/5qdv
  Replies (7) Good night (945) Bad night (460)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight. http://tfl.nu/rr81
  Replies (10) Good night (975) Bad night (459)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot. http://tfl.nu/b8ei
  Replies (5) Good night (1036) Bad night (478)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly. http://tfl.nu/1cg3
  Replies (1) Good night (616) Bad night (455)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes. http://tfl.nu/ikkg
  Replies (1) Good night (717) Bad night (327)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night. http://tfl.nu/xad2
  Replies (5) Good night (661) Bad night (268)

Randomize