is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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