My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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