my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
