all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
