I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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