A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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