She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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