I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
