I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
