you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
