I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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