the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
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