she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
