Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
where does the pee come out of this thing
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
