I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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