I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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