I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
do herpes really smell.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
