why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
