Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
