Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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