I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I need to sanitize my soul.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
