so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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