Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
