i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
