i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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