Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My feet surprised me
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