Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
