Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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