i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you traded sex for a burrito?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Randomize
