Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
