i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
