I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
