no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
