This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
