...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
