I am puke
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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