I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
