need another drink. this is the easiest way
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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