mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
