That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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