I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
