I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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