she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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