My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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