He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
