i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
