Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
