This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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