So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
