it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
