theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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