is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
