VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
