this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I think I won the penis lottery.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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