the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
