She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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