I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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