Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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