You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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