Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
