She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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