Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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