Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
