Yo dont text me then not text me
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
