Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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