hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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