I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
