i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
