Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
