did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
