i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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