Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
