His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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