I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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