I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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